My Kids Can't Ride a Bike! (Parent Fail #3481)

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"You hate me! You don't understand me! You said I was a problem child!!"
Help! The tween in the house was having a major meltdown! And yes, we may have accidentally said "Stop being the problem child!!!" But honestly, there were more important things to worry about, like how we'd got to this point in time without our four children knowing how to ride a two-wheeled bike??

No, we don't live in an inner city apartment. Yes we do have a big backyard. And yes, all the kids have scooters they've used for years. But no, it wasn't until the note came home about BIKE SAFETY DAY that the full horror of our situation was realized.

Miss Eleven announced she would be staying home on that day, as
a) Thanks to us she could not ride a bike, and
b) All of her friends could ride, hence she would be humiliated if made to attend.

I did what every responsible parent (who has forgotten to give their children bikes) does and promptly emailed the teacher. I got a lovely response back. Apparently there were three children out of 48 who could not ride and they would be given a special lesson by the kind police person, while the other kids rode off and did the safety course.

I happily told my daughter this, and she was beyond horrified. And that's when the meltdown started. The arguments, accusations and recriminations went on and on. My husband tried to placate her, but eventually lost his cool and sent her to bed. Fine. But the next morning was Bike Safety Day and Miss Eleven refused to get dressed, leave her room, get in the car, or go to school.

I had two choices. Yes, I admit we'd stuffed up. The whole bike thing had passed us by and sadly we'd obviously spent way too much time in cafes and not enough time in the glorious outdoors. But did this warrant letting her stay home? No. I thought not. After promising that everyone would get bikes for Christmas (whether they wanted one or not) I decided it was time to channel my inner-Asian-tiger mother thing. Or something to that effect.

I knew all of those years of watching Dr. Phil and Jo (the British nanny) would would pay off.

Suck it up! If this is the most difficult thing you have to do all year, then you're having a good year! I told her. Not everything in life is easy. There are challenges and times we have to get out of our comfort zone. Heck I told her, it doesn't stop when you're an adult. Your friends will not laugh at you for not being able to ride (I prayed this was true) and anyway, it's not about them! It's about you, and now is your chance to get a proper lesson and learn something new, just years apparently after everyone else.

I think it was at this point my eleven year old fell to the floor, sobbing her heart out and crying that her legs hurt, her face was puffy and that she wanted to die. I knew how she felt. But steeled myself.
Urghh! Get a grip! I yelled.

Surprisingly that didn't work.

So I resorted to threats. If you want to go to any more parties this year then get up and get dressed!
If you want dessert after dinner again before 2025 then get your bag and get in the car!
We got in the car, we drove to school. I felt like an evil parent and a wrung out dish rag. I wouldn't have minded staying home myself...

"Maybe we could ride bikes to school one day? When we all learn..... " Master Seven mused thoughtfully as Miss Eleven glared out the window through puffy red eyes.

I sighed. Parenting fails. They never seem to end. Last term I was congratulating myself on working four days a week and keeping my four children in three different schools all on track. Then I got an email from a worried teacher telling me that my seven year old couldn't tie his own shoelaces and had been embarrassed in class in front of his classmates.

Sensing a pattern here? Parent fail.

Pffft! I thought resignedly. Shoelaces? Just wait until she finds out he can't ride a bike!

Helpful Links:
Best bike tracks in Sydney
Parramatta Parents - Bike Tracks
Kids on Bikes
Funny Bike Fails


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